


the moon learns to shine

by xoratari



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Character Study, Gen, Manga Spoilers, Tsukki and Volleyball Through the Years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:35:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28136310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoratari/pseuds/xoratari
Summary: Kei is six years old when he first hears about volleyball. He's fifteen when he learns it might not be just a club.He's twenty-one when he decides he wants more.
Relationships: Tsukishima Akiteru & Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 5
Kudos: 32
Collections: Moonrise: A Tsukishima Kei Zine





	the moon learns to shine

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this for [Moonrise](https://twitter.com/TsukishimaZine), a Tsukishima zine!! This is my love letter to the King of character development.  
> Thanks [milnor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/milnor/pseuds/milnor) and [Ro](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andramion/pseuds/Andramion) for beta'ing.  
> Special mention to [Jus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavendori/pseuds/lavendori): this fic wouldn’t have been the same without your support, thank you so so much for brainstorming with me T-T

Kei is six years old when he first hears about volleyball. 

It’s just a club, but it’s all Akiteru has been talking about since joining his middle school team, and his enthusiasm is so contagious Kei can’t help but get excited about it too. Soon enough they’re leaving dinosaur documentary marathons behind for hours sending the ball back and forth in their garden, learning all these new positions and plays that Akiteru’s so eager to show him.

Day after day they practice and practice until mom calls them for dinner and then some more, and every time Kei sees Akiteru using one of those plays in a real match, he gets to say, “He practiced that with me!”, throwing a V-sign as their eyes meet, their smiles so big they almost don’t fit on their faces.

“I’m gonna be the ace soon!” Akiteru keeps saying, and Kei knows he will. He’s seen him getting back home late because he stayed for extra practice, and even after long matches he still has the energy to practice some more. He practically breathes volleyball at this point and Kei isn’t surprised when Akiteru becomes not only the ace but the captain of his team during his last year of middle school.

He’s aiming even higher next year. Akiteru is joining Karasuno, he’s going to make it to the active roster as a rookie and take his team to Nationals, he promises. Kei knows he will. He’s achieved everything he’s tried to achieve until now.

How could it be any different now, when he’s working so hard?

✦ 

Kei is twelve when he learns hard work isn’t always enough.

“Did you score a lot today, nii-san?” Kei asks when his brother gets home from a match. He doesn’t even give him time to properly take his shoes off before attacking him with questions.

“Of course I did! We’re gonna take Karasuno to Nationals!” Akiteru replies with a broad smile, pulling him down by the hand to sit next to him by the genkan and tell him all about today’s game.

After every match, the smile on his brother’s face as he gets back home seems bigger, but the time he spends telling Kei all about his match seems shorter. Every time, he’ll greet him, ruffle his hair, say he did great, and rush past him. They still practice after dinner, talking about the middle school team Kei just joined and helping him with his receiving, but there are no more “ _Ten more minutes_ ” when mom calls them to bed, only “ _Night, Kei_ ” and his brother’s back hurrying to his room.

He must be tired after playing so much, Kei thinks. He’s been practicing more than ever, and Kei is sure his team’s matches must be getting tougher, the more they progress and get to play against better opponents. So he decides not to bother him, he probably needs the rest. They can talk about the match tomorrow.

But tomorrow Akiteru doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t seem to want to talk about anything.

Refusing to accept defeat, Kei decides it’s time for a different approach. Akiteru keeps saying he doesn’t want him going to his games because knowing Kei is there will make him nervous. Well, that only means it’s okay to go as long as Akiteru doesn’t know, right?

It’s easy to get Yamaguchi to go with him—he’s been wanting to watch one of Akiteru’s matches since he heard he’s the ace of a powerhouse. It’s easy—and accidental—to get one of their classmates to join them, too. He keeps claiming Akiteru hasn’t played any game but it’s not possible. His brother would never lie to him, and Kei is going to prove it this weekend.

Except he doesn’t: when the match comes, his brother isn’t on the starting lineup. His brother isn’t on the bench, either. His brother isn’t even down on the court.

His brother is in the stands, rooting for a team he isn’t a part of.

There’s no V-sign when their eyes meet this time. There’s no smile, either. Kei doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the look on Akiteru’s face, the whirlwind of disappointment and confusion going through his mind until all he feels is numb. How lame of him, getting so wrapped into some club, reducing his own brother to volleyball and volleyball alone. Maybe that’s why Akiteru felt he had to lie to him, pretending for years instead of letting him down.

Or maybe Akiteru had just been lying to himself. Fake it ’til you make it, but faking isn’t enough, wanting isn’t enough, hard work isn’t enough. But why, then? Why fake, why want, why work hard for some lame club that won’t mean anything in the end? 

✦

Kei is fifteen when he starts to understand.

He’s not entirely sure why he joins the Karasuno Volleyball Club. “ _It will be fun, Tsukki!_ ” Yamaguchi had promised. It isn’t fun. It’s exhausting, keeping up with Hinata’s overflowing energy. It’s annoying, putting up with Kageyama’s unreasonable demands. And it’s kind of weird, following Akiteru’s footsteps after how it worked out for him, like he’s trying to fill a spot his brother couldn’t.

It almost feels wrong when he’s put into the starting lineup for their first practice match, and the next one, and the one after that, too. He’s not even trying, but he’s still part of the starting lineup for every match of InterHigh. He’s not even trying, and he’s already done more than his brother ever did on this team. So much for hard work when all that matters is that he’s tall.

What’s the point, then?

Why get so invested in some stupid club if it’s only going to make it hurt that much worse when it all crumbles down, when you learn you will never be good enough, you will always be losing to someone? Maybe he’s just been missing something everyone but him can see. Bokuto keeps going on and on about The Moment that gets you hooked on volleyball. Even Akiteru claims to have felt it—after all the pain volleyball caused him, he’s still not satisfied. He’s still chasing that thrill and Kei can’t help but want that, too. Maybe he can, if he tries just a little bit harder.

So he tries. Kei feels he’s being pushed in all directions, out of his comfort zone, out of everything he thought he was sure of, and for once he finds he doesn’t mind it that much. There’s something about blocking the unblockable that makes his chest swell with something akin to pride. It’s just a block, it’s just one point out of twenty-five, but as he hears the crowd cheering for him he thinks he gets it, now. 

This is volleyball.

✦ 

Kei is seventeen when he finds a reason to share everything he’s learned.

The start of his third year comes with five new starry-eyed overexcited teammates. Second Shadow is the most starry-eyed and overexcited of them. Kei should be used to that kind of energy, he’s played with Hinata Shouyou for two years. But Hinata Shouyou didn’t follow his every step. Second Shadow? He’s everywhere.

When Kei arrives at the gym, Second Shadow is waiting for him. When Kei is practicing his serve, Second Shadow is watching him. Even when Kei is doing nothing, Second Shadow is there.

“You’re so cool, Tsukki-san!” He said the first time Kei did a read block during a practice game and hasn’t left his side since then. He kind of reminds him of six-year-old Kei, running behind his older brother and trying to learn everything about volleyball. He hopes it won’t end in disappointment, for either of them.

Maybe that’s why Kei agrees to help when Second Shadow decides he wants to be a middle blocker. Maybe it’s the stern look Yamaguchi sends his way. Whatever the reason was, somehow Kei finds himself staying late to help Second Shadow with blocking practice. Hinata and Kageyama are there, too, because of course they are. He can’t remember the last time he saw them leave practice right after it ended.

“What do you want to learn?”

“Everything!”

It takes everything in Kei not to sigh, turn around, and leave. “What do you want to learn first?”

“That thing where you guessed where the ball would go?” Second Shadow must have felt his second-guessing, judging by the way his shoulders slump down.

“You know how you jump as soon as a spiker gets in position?”

“Yes!” He nods proudly.

“Well, don’t.” Kei almost feels bad at Second Shadow’s soft ‘ _oh_ ’. “For read blocking, you have to wait and watch where the set goes, and _then_ jump.”

“Can we try?”

Before he knows it, Kei is passing down his title as the shield of the Karasuno Volleyball Club. His high school days might be over, but he has no doubt that he’s leaving the team in good hands. He trained those hands himself, after all.

Graduation day comes around and Kei barely registers the ceremony. Too many speeches, too many tears, too many questions about the future. Kei doesn’t want to deal with any of those, let alone spend any more time there. If anyone asks, it’s only because of some sense of obligation that he lets himself be dragged to a ramen shop to celebrate with the rest of his first-year team. It’s a long night but it’s over too soon and by the time Kei checks his watch—1.58 a.m.—it’s just him and the dumbass duo.

It’s going to be weird not seeing them attached by the hip anymore. Hinata is getting ready to move to the other side of the world. Kageyama is getting ready to climb to the top of the top. Kei? Kei is ready to let go.

Or so he thinks, because when Kageyama asks, “ _Where are you trying out?_ ”, Kei doesn’t say “ _Nowhere_ ”. He takes a long sip of his drink to buy himself some time. Is he ready to let go? He’s downed half his glass by the time he realizes he doesn’t have an answer.

“Why?” He asks, meeting Kageyama’s frown with a blank stare.

“Why not?”

“I’m not…” He doesn’t need to finish his sentence for them to know what he means. He isn’t _them_. He doesn’t have that hunger for more, that fire driving him forward.

“That hasn’t stopped you before,” Hinata says, and Kei hates that he’s right. Not being good enough was a good excuse for first-year Kei, but almost three full years have gone by and he knows he can do more, if he tries.

He’s still thinking about it when he gets home an hour later, exhausted and wanting nothing more than to crawl into bed and shut his brain off. He should’ve known it wouldn’t be so easy: Akiteru is having tea by the kotatsu, and if Kei knows his brother well enough, that can only mean one thing.

“Can’t sleep?” He asks despite knowing the answer. Akiteru has always had a penchant for meaningful talks just when Kei needs them the most, even when neither of them knows it.

“I was waiting for you,” Akiteru confirms his suspicions. “How was dinner?”

“The usual… Too much talking and not a lot of minding their own business.”

“Are you talking about them or me?”

“It depends on why you were waiting up for me.”

Akiteru chuckles. “I just wanted to check on you, in case we don’t get to talk before I leave tomorrow morning.”

Kei sighs, admitting defeat. “It was alright… Everyone seems to be pretty set up with their future plans.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?” Kei knows it’s pointless to play dumb, Akiteru can read through him. That won’t stop him from trying to escape this conversation, though. “I’m going to college.”

“And that’s it?”

“What else would I do?” Kei frowns. “I don’t—”

“Don’t you dare say you can’t, because you know it isn’t true,” Akiteru cuts him off and all Kei can do is blink at him, mouth agape. “I _saw_ you fall in love with volleyball… Can you really say you’re satisfied?”

✦ 

Kei is twenty-one when he decides that no, he is not satisfied. College volleyball isn’t enough. He can do more. He _wants_ more.

Three years playing for some high school volleyball team and then some more for his college’s were enough to prepare him for League Division 2. It’s been a year since he joined and he’s sure Akiteru still tears up when he boasts about his 195cm tall little brother, middle blocker for the Sendai Frogs.

They’re all ready to step into the court—all but their newest recruit.

The third time Koganegawa drops his tape, Kei decides someone needs to talk to him.

“You know you probably don’t need this anymore, right?” He asks, picking up the tape from the floor.

“Yeah…” Koganegawa sighs, “But it helps me feel grounded.”

“Here,” Kei nods in understanding, “Let me help you.”

Koganegawa mumbles a ‘ _thanks_ ’, falling quiet as Kei carefully tapes his fingers. “How do you do that?”

“Do what?” Kei raises his eyebrows. It can’t be the taping—Koganegawa has been doing it for years.

“Not being… nervous.”

“What makes you think I’m not?”

“I don’t know, you seem so… calm and collected.” 

“I’m really not that—”

“You totally are!” Koganegawa cuts him off. “How?”

Kei opens his mouth to reply, half-expecting to be interrupted again, when he realizes he doesn’t have an answer. Despite what Koganegawa might think, he _is_ nervous. Messing up a block could potentially mean losing a match. He knows he can’t beat an opponent all on his own. But even now, years later, he remembers the rush of confidence when Hinata covered for him, the silent certainty that Kageyama would put up the ball precisely where it was supposed to be, the inspiring presence of Yamaguchi spurring him on. He remembers Akiteru, all the way up in the stands with a V-sign and a smile ready. He’s never been on his own. He’s not on his own now, either. 

“It doesn’t really matter what I do on my own, does it?” He says, a barely-there smug smile curving his lips at the confusion in Koganegawa’s expression. “I have a whole team behind me.”

As they enter the court, his mind wanders back to his own first official game and even further back in time. Volleyball might have started as just a club, but the crowd cheering for them reminds him it’s so much more than that. It’s the thrill of the audience calling his name, the frustration on his opponent’s face when he stops a spike, the satisfaction of scoring with a block.

It isn’t easy juggling his last year of college and volleyball at a pro level. It will be even harder once he starts working full-time. But if there’s something Kei has learned over the years, it’s that it’s worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/xoratari)!!


End file.
